i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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