you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
