Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
