fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
