This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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