Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
