How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
