been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
