I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
