im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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