so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
