i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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