i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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