please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
