i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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