From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
