you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
