Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
