sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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