everyone is single if you try hard enough
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
