it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize