were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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