i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
