He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize
