I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize