I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
