I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
