my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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