have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize