hotel room ftw
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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