Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
