Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
