I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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