wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
