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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  USA! USA! USA!

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"

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• (212): View more from New York

  Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...

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• (786): View more from Florida

  at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.

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• (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.

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