I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
