yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
