cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
