Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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