Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
