What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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