The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize