Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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