STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just found puke in my bra..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
