So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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