she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
