I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
