i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
