Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
