You just made me feel so damn special
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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