hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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