This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
