So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
