and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I know her cup size but not her name....
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
