Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
