Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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