whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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