Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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