She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
