1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
