And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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