I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
