was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
