Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
