She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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