you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A+ Viking dick
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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