I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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