Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
