Im at strip club and am horny
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
