I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
