oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize