You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
