stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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